I am sorry I have not been able to make the list yet as I have been busy, and I want to make it right, so I have delayed it, and is not something essential and very important.
This post is also VERY related to this other made by Carl that was really straight to the target and was really very true and I now is medically confirmed.
SpaceRay the Hoarder
I want also apologize much from my behaviour here that I have had in the last year (or always) that I have been here as I did not know really what I was doing and WHY I was doing this things this way. Now I finally have been able to realize what was happening until now. So I am sorry if I have done things that could have hurt any of you in some way.
I have to say that on Friday I was very active in the forum because then on weekend I would be very busy and would not be able to enter the FF forums as I have to do many things and had to prepare a very important final writing for my neurologist appointment today on the hospital. I have not been able to read anything since my last post.
After one and half month of many tests made and having a brain scanner, today my neurologist and his team have confirmed that I have a severe ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) , this is a common neurobiological condition that have around 5-8% of the persons.
For more information see the above link I have put.
So seeing this I understand why I could not be able to remember the filters I have, and why I have been making a mess of the filters, and why I could start them but it was much more difficult to continue and finally complete them and Carl was very right that I was a hoarder, as I have about 45 filters began and with ideas but I can´t be able to finish them
Also that I am many times impulsive and many times write things without thinking and do not take care of really all the time it will be need to read all my posts.
And also why I had many problems when I tried to force me into making hard efforts to find out solutions for the FF filter making problems and challenges and I was tired and give up easily and I could not stand it.
Also now I can understand many of the comments from Skybase, uberzev or others that could not understand why I was making the things this way.
I WILL REDUCE MUCH MY ACTIVITY IN THE FORUMS
After this I think I will make yourselves and myself a favour, and will not continue making the things in the same way until now, and will need to control me much more and do not be impulsive and do the things as I have done before.
So I will try to reduce my activity in the forums and will think before posting and see if what I have to say is really worthy and useful for you and do not put many threads with lots of text and things that perhaps is not really needed.
NEW WORK FOR ONLINE COMPANIES
Also another reasons that will help me much is that I will be soon be working for 3 online companies selling graphical things I could make and will need to make a new website.
So I will have much less time for filter forging and to be on the forums.
I want to thank really much for all the help, patience and understanding I have had from many FF users in the forum, specially from Skybase, uberzev, Morgantao and ThreeDee that helped me much many times.
I am sorry for things I could have said and done.
BEGIN TO LEARN 3D SOFTWARE
Thanks really much to ThreeDee for making me step into the 3D () and have inspired me much when he made the Spherical 3D Displacement Previewer by ThreeDee and made me begin to use the render maps for Examples of Spherical 3D Displacement Previewer by ThreeDee
I will also follow the great and very good suggestion of Skybase of learning of 3D software and now all the basics and practice on 3D and I have installed today Cinema 4D R14 that I think is one of the best software (after testing already Bryce, Daz Studio, Poser, Carrara, Blender) and there are lots of interesting and useful trainings and tutorial
So with this also will have less time for FF
|Posted: September 17, 2012 2:18 pm|
Hehe Ray I could have given you that diagnosis for free as it´s rather obvious
I don´t think you have hurt anyones feelings as you are a friendly guy, just annoyed the hell out of ppl with your overexcitement sometimes
Good luck with your graphical projects and don´t be a stranger
Edit: And don´t let that diagnosis put you down. Creative minds just don´t function like everyone elses
|Posted: September 17, 2012 2:33 pm|
Yeah I have ADHD as well. Life has been a struggle but I'm better able to deal with the symptoms now that I'm 30.
And I was the main annoying guy here until you came around and blew me away.
So don't be too hard on yourself. I appreciate your contributions to the discussions even though I tease at times.
|Posted: September 17, 2012 3:13 pm|
Yeah Ray I think we´d miss your creative input
One Suggestion that maybe helps all:
make your own dedicated Spaceray thread where you can post all your exiting finds and experiments. That way the forum is less cluttered and everyone can visit your thread and see whats new
And tbh I´m with you guys in the same boat, just less hyper
And you know what?
I don´t think it´s a disfunction or disorder or whatever, because it´s what drives and feeds my creativity. I think it´s the other ppl who have a disfunction because they don´t notice half of what´s going on around them
Made school hard, makes my life a mess sometimes, but I wouldn´t want that part of me taken away
|Posted: September 17, 2012 5:05 pm|
Or maybe it's OCD (over Filter Forge of course!)
Honestly, listen to Sharandra: Rise above the labels put upon you. Let your imagination run, and try to stick with an idea; give it time to blossom. Experience the world and people around you so you can discover where and to whom to apply your creative ideas.
Also, that's good news about your new jobs! As an undergrad college student, that's still a daunting idea for me. Be sure to visit the FF forums periodically, because if there's one thing you should know, it's that you really enjoy other authors' stuff here; we help drive your creativity.
"Time flies like an arrow; Fruit flies like a banana." -Groucho Marx
|Posted: September 17, 2012 8:46 pm|
|You're always welcome here. Just curious, any portfolio?|
|Posted: September 17, 2012 11:59 pm|
I'm starting to think we should gather up everyone on the forum and start an asylum
I can relate to so many things that have been said here:
•When explaining things gives too much detail and tell unneeded things
•Makes careless mistakes.
•Excessive and chronic procrastination
•Difficulty getting started on tasks
•Difficulty completing tasks
•Frequently losing things
•Poor organization, planning, and time management skills
•I think it´s the other ppl who have a disfunction because they don´t notice half of what´s going on around them
•Made school hard
To name a few I don't have ADHD per se, but my condition includes many of the same symptoms.
SR, don't let this ADHD bother you too much. You know how genious people are often considered wierd and excentric? Well, artistic people are often misunderstood as well. Different brains opperate in different ways. Try to use your condition for your creativity.
And as everyone else already mentioned, we want you to keep posting on the forum. Who else would post great examples of how filters work?
Shar is right, you can start your own thread onthe forums, like many others have, and share your thoughts and ideas there. And don't forget to post replys on other threads too We want your input!
One last thing, congrats on the new jobs, wish you a good luck and have a good time.
Oh, and I second Skybase, have a portfolio?
|Posted: September 18, 2012 12:52 am|
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder link to genius
and one more on why artists brains work differently:
Creative minds 'mimic schizophrenia'
I hope in the future they will stop labeling ppl as disordered just because their brain works slightly different.
Instead of "Sorry your child has ADHD. Here give it some drugs to keep it quiet."
It should be "Ah, your child is perfectly fine. Here give it some crayons and let it try out some music instruments.Oh and here, have some earplugs."
|Posted: September 18, 2012 3:12 am|
|Spaceray your cool and you've added to the forum with your occasional posts|
|Posted: September 18, 2012 4:26 am|
hehe...(Activity Time)...Ok everyone open up FF and lets continue from yesterday..
AS Indigo Ray said you are more then just the label that is placed upon you. Besides you have posted some great ideals for filters..
Stupid things happen to computers for stupid reasons at stupid times!
|Posted: September 18, 2012 4:31 am|
SpaceRay, wasn't that hard to spot. I know several very creative minds in the Vue community who has ADHD and they have the same creative energy as you have. Use your energy in the positive way as you have been doing here on the forums and you will come a long way!
- I never expected the Spanish inquisition
|Posted: September 18, 2012 8:58 am|
As others have said above, look at the positive side of your personality!
I would see that as an advantage – the urge for physical activity should alleviate health problems that commonly arise from the sedentary "staring at the computer 24/7" lifestyle.
|Posted: September 18, 2012 10:02 am|
SpaceRay, let me add to this by pointing out that different people make important contributions in so many different ways.
As a constant reader and only occasional poster, I've certainly been aware of the vast number of posts you've made and their intensity.
Not everyone's cup of tea. However (and this is an absolutely key point), your contributions in terms of showing us all the amazing possibilities of so many filters we might otherwise pass over can't be overemphasized.
There is an obvious group of contributors here who do amazing and wonderful things with the creation of filters.
You, though, provide an absolutely unique contribution and one of (at the very least) equivalent value.
You constantly open our eyes to what filters can do.
We grant you carte blanche to use as much bold-facing, and all-caps as you want.
I hope I speak for everyone when I express my deep and sincere appreciation for your energy and passion you bring to the FF community.
|Posted: September 18, 2012 10:19 am|
Yeah, what he said
Amen to that!
|Posted: September 18, 2012 11:17 am|
I'm glad to hear that you decided to seek professional help. That's a right decision.
I'm an atypical Russian in this regard. Usually we don't consider mild conditions such as ADHD or, say, depression as requiring medical treatment and chalk them up to traits of character, but I always insist that they should be taken more seriously: I keep telling affected friends and family members that they should visit a psychologist, or, preferably, a neurologist, have their hormone levels checked, do an EEG or whatever other diagnostic procedures the doctor recommends, et cetera. Even if they don't want to undergo treatment (some new-agers can be particularly reluctant), knowing what's wrong with one's health is a good thing.
|Posted: September 18, 2012 12:55 pm|
you shld also get ALL the information available on these so-called 'diseases'. psychiatry is NOT a science and their 'cures' are non-standard and even extremely dangerous! dont just buy into all this ADHD garbage because some idiot scanned your brain. you are an artist! i'll guarantee your brain is different you need to go to this website and get some truth! psychiatry is not your friend! and whatever you do, dont let them put you on any psych drugs like ritalin (sp?), prozac or any of that stuff! truly dangerous crap!
If wishes were horses... there'd be a whole lot of horse crap to clean up!
|Posted: September 20, 2012 8:48 am|
Craig, while I agree with some of what you said, different people react differently to things.
I'm not for getting drugged by prozac or ritalin or whatever, but it can help some people. Well, maybe not prozac
Anyway, my point is, if the doctor says you need to take ritalin, take it for a little while, let your body adjust to it, then decide if it's what you feel is right.
My mom has some kind of a chemical imbalance which causes panic attacs for no reason. For years she suffered from that, and was given all kinds of treatments, including prozac. nothing helped, untill she got some new drug (can't remember which, but I think it's an SSRI), which eliminated the problem completely. Now days, my takes a low dose every day, and if something happens that gets the stress level up, she ups the meds, until she feels she can get back to low levels.
I myself had a bit of a depression issue 10 years ago, and my doc told me to take something, and it helped, and I took it every day. Then I went to live with friends in the USA for 6 months and after a couple of weeks I started forgetting to take the med, and at some point stopped taking it completely, as it wasn't neccesary anymore (The doc said that if I forget to take the anti depressant, it's a good sign ).
Wow, this post has gone too long
Bottom line is, you need to try whatever it is they prescribe to you, and then decide if you feel it's the right treatment.
PS. NEVER quit drugs at once, and always consault the doc how to cut back on the med till you stop taking it entirely.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 1:19 am|
WOW !!! Thanks really very much for all the nice and good comments all of you have written here and I thank you for caring too.
I did the thread above just to let you know what was happening but was not expecting such good and nice answers and your support and help so much.
BEFORE ANSWERING to some of your comments in my next post I must make some more comments.
OF COURSE THAT YOU DO NOT READ THIS, this is just a complementary add on to the first post.
I have to say something very important according to the things you have written, and that is that the first post is REALLY VERY SIMPLIFIED VERSION of what has happened and what I have done and I did not want to bore you all and tell the full history.
ALSO that the medical report telling me about my ADHD HAS 10 PAGES explaining all about my problems and what is happening really to me and ALSO have more information like that I have and IQ (Intelligence quotient) of 126 that is above the media that is 100.
Mixing ADHD with an IQ of 126 is like a explosive thing, as this develops into some other different behaviours and different personal effects.
High IQ Is No Help For Those With ADHD, Yale Researchers Find and more here
ADHD + ASPERGER SYNDROME + High IQ + EXPERIENTIAL AVOIDANCE DISORDER
AND is not ONLY ADHD, I have some more things added, like Asperger Syndrome and also fr om Wikipedia Asperger's syndrome
And also "Experiential Avoidance Disorder" that is something very important in me and that gives me a lot of problems
Now I have a written confirmation by good professionals about this AND is something I have already found myself before.
I will try to make a little less simplified version (I could fill more than 20 pages explaining all)
6 years ago I had many personal problems and was feelling bad and also lost the job I had and had also to change the apartment I was living. and I decided it was the moment to make a change in my life and search for professional help and went to a very good psychologist that was the same that was helping to my mother.
I have been with her 2 years, but I then had to leave her for different personal problems and then in the next 3 years I went to other 3 different psychologists of different kind and specialized in topics that the one previously did not have, searching for an answer that none of them could really solve.
I made lots and lots of research and investigations with them and also with the great help of internet, and also have joined to make coaching and make some group courses with other persons that also had problems like me.
I have written myself more than 700 reports and documents that each one have between 2 and 12 pages (and a few of them up to 20 pages)
Until I found the last one very professional and with LOTS of experience in what it was happening to me and he help me to show that the problem was NOT in my psychology part ALONE because I have been able to change much many things in how I do and think about things BUT I could not find the answer to solve the CORE and main problem and nothing I have done in all this years (and I have worked really a lot and very much to find a way to solve it) until I decided to search for a BIOLOGICAL SOURCE for my problems and not just psychology
Meanwhile one year ago I went to a psychiatrist and told him all the things I have done and what was happening and he told me that I was having an imbalance in some quimicals in my brain and also some depression and he could help with some soft drugs that he knows really well (after 55 years of experience being doctor) that was not harmful and did had very low colateral and side effects. He gave me Sertraline and Nootropil pills.
This pills helped me much to recover and continue my fight for knowing what was really happening, they only had a bad effect on the first 15 days but then after nothing bad else happened and was safe and good to take them and a very important thing is that they are causing NO addiction.
HERE IS WH ERE IT REACHS TO THE FIRST POST
As said I have made a LOT of research and investigations and have written about what happening more than 700 documents from my feelings and behaviour and what I noticed and realized that was the moment to search for BIOLOGICAL help from a neurologist.
I went to one that was bad an unhelpful and worst is that he was influenced by the pharmaceutical companies and so he earn money for recommending drugs
So I decided to search for a very good, well known and respected neurologist from an important private hospital and I could pay it thanks to my private medical insurance I have, AND he was not alone, he has a team of 3 persons that know very well their work.
So I have been more than 20 hours through 10 days in 2 months time making many different tests in different ways, and they also had interviews with my mother to know HOW I did things in my first early years and then how was the evolution through time.
So this way they had important information so they could reach to the final decision that I had ADHD and is NOT just that they simply say that I had it and that is all, like it happens sometimes with other doctors.
FINAL DOCTOR RECOMMENDATION
The Neurologist team has made the full and complete report about my problems and considering all the things I have ADHD + ASPERGER SYNDROME + High IQ + EXPERIENTIAL AVOIDANCE DISORDER they do not recommend really to have a medical treatment and they disagree with this because they say that in my case it could help BUT could have undesired and unwanted side effects and could be worse.
They are trusted and not under the bad economical influence of pharmaceutical companies.
So they told me that I should contact another professional and very good neuropsychologist they know that could help me to learn TO LIVE WITH THIS, as this has no cure, BUT I can learn to live and accept it as it is.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 3:59 am|
YES, I know that I have been annoying sometimes and bugging people and FF Inc. and I am sorry for that.
ALSO I have forgot to tell in my last post that ANOTHER problem I have is that I have a very low threshold for excitement and I am easily overwhelmed and with lots of thing I get overexcitement and I can´t control that unless I avoid it, and do not do thing that could be emotional.
Thanks, and I will need it. Although there is one phrase that say "you must build and make your own luck and do not wait for it"
NO, I as I know that this is something I have to live with I must accept it and rebuild and reinvent my own life, and feeling bad about this will not help.
YES, YES, is true that many times CREATIVE MINDS do not work in the same way as others, very right and well said, and is very real that MANY creative people have also different minds and ways to do things.
I am writing the other answers
|Posted: September 21, 2012 5:09 am|
Do you have also ADHD Well, really is NOT a bug surprise knowing HOW you make things and the filters you release, I mean the WAY you release them and that you do not like to finish them and are lots of "pre-releases"
For me it has been ALSO a great and very big struggle and a continual fight to be able to survive being able who I am and how I do things, but now that I know much more about this and what really happens and WHAT really I do and how I do it is better.
Yes, this is posibly true Sorry for being annoying many times
This is WHY, I am writing this thread and is that I did not notice and realize it before, well I knew that there was something wrong, but did not know what it was.
Thanks, I try to make helpful contributions and that could be useful for others to have and share, although sometimes I do it TOO much, and what could be helpful gets reversed and is converted to annoying, but will try to do things better.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 8:45 am|
Thanks, glad you like and value my creative input and that you would miss it.
This is a good suggestion, and I had already began a thread for myself BUT have leaved it because I was ashamed that I was telling that I will be releasing this or that filter soon, and that "soon" could be perhaps lots of time, as I canñt control time and very bad management of it.
YES, good (in the right way) that you also know what all this is about and you also can understand what is this like.
Thanks for sharing also here your feeling and your experience
Although is really a disorder and disfunction IF it is compared to the life and behaviour of a "standard" and "normal" person and how they "normally" do things and what is considered to be "habitual" and often understanded as "normal"
I agree with you that this is ALSO a very powerful source and engine for creativity and I would wan´t to not have that part and have a more "boring" and "normal" life.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 8:59 am|
Well, Is not exactly OCD, as fr om the many test I have done, I do not have OCD, BUT this does not mean that you are right in that having what I have (ADHD + ASPERGER SYNDROME + High IQ + EXPERIENTIAL AVOIDANCE DISORDER) it makes me do thing obsesively, I mean I take one topic I fall all over it and want to do MANY things about it and overwhelm the topic And this happens with MANY other things and not only FF.
YES, thanks for these words, is true that is needed that I rise over all this and be able to have my own life, even if I think I have wasted lots of years, but the only way forward is make things now to change the present.
I can let my imagination run, but this is dangerous my imagination is wild and is too broad and complex and there are TOO MANY IDEAS and things I would like to do, and is really difficult to stick to an idea AND MAKE IT BLOSSOM !! I do not have patience for this and need to have quicker results, yes I know this is a wrong way, but is the way I can do it, so I will hev to find a way to be able to do it.
Well, my "jobs" are not really jobs as usually understood, I am not a freelancer that will work for other companies, and I will not get a monthly payment, is that I will make designs to sell them in online grpahic store in the same way as other many thousands already make.
AND I still do not have any contract signed yet.
OF course that I will continue in the forums, as you have said very well, I enjoy much all the creative, interesting, beautiful, innovative and great things you make and it helps me much to have other ideas and keep the creativity flowing and continue learning. AND also I want to help all of you too with my own things.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 9:38 am|
Thanks for this and is a pleasure to be here (although it may not be alwys a pleasure for t¡others, BUT I will do my best to change and not continue in the same way as before) and I like to be here too because there are kind and very good persons like you that I admire much.
OH!!! This is the million-dollar question
I had one portfolio 2 years ago, but as I am also a perfectionist and beauty searcher, I did not like at all how it was done and the 73 works I had there were shown in a poor and mediocre way.
Then I decided to make one with the many artist portfolio websites available like Behance, but never did it
Now since September 2011 I have been learning about Wordpress and how to make a professional and special elegant and stylish website to show my works BUT as I have my great problem described above, I have not been able to make it and I have done already some things, but as usual in me it has not been finished yet and can´t be seen.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 9:51 am|
YES, I know that already from many other posts that you have made before
I have seen that IS possible to have many of this symptoms and do NOT have ADHD, and this is why I wanted that a professional neurologist doctor could confirm this on me, so I could know if it was real or not.
YES! it is true creative and "genious" people has sometimes (not always) different ways to see things, and how they do their lives and considered strange and weird BECAUSE they are away from the "usual and normal" behaviour from the social standard.
YES, we are many times misunderstood and others can´t understand how and why we do things in this or that way.
BUT as you have said very well, we may have different brains and they work in different ways so we can´t be the same as others even if we would try hard, would an apple tree be able to give bananas?
Read more about this topic in the answer to Sharandra in my post above AFTER the long one.
I will try to use ALL this condition and "personality" I have in favour of me and not against, and the best way I can see and is possible is WITH CREATIVITY and be able to WORK with it and get some money from this.
Thanks and I appreciate and like that you want to keep posting and putting examples of the filters I like and are well done (sorry about others that I have not been made examples)
I do not know why others do not make ALSO examples of the filters and show what can be done, I think they do not want to spend time doing it, or whatever other reason.
One last thing, congrats on the new jobs, wish you a good luck and have a good time.
AS answered to Sharandra I will do it and create my multiple new thread to put all the things in one place and do not make multi threads unless is really needed.
And of course that I will not forget to answer to others threads too. I want to help others too and I like you want me too.
Thanks for your comment, BUT I as I have already told above in another answer I have not yet something confirmed and nothing signed yet.
"having a good time" is something that could be bad for me as I do not really know HOW to have a good time and have fun, but this is my own problem and I can change for feeling fine and quiet making what I want and like.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 10:23 am|
Will continue later answering the rest of the good and nice comments made here
|Posted: September 21, 2012 10:37 am|
I have not said a word on this thread. Because, as English is not my language, I must think first in French and as I was busy these days.
You know, each person must deal with its strengths and weaknesses, and this is not funny, especially when you do not have the strength to fight. I also have my demons to fight, but there is one that I am not able to overcome. This is anxiety. I have the courage of many things except conquer my fears. I am a born artist, and my creativity is my outlet. When I create, I do not think my problem. My only emotional imbalance is agoraphobia and claustrophobia as its opposite. I avoid the subways, elevators, crowds. I avoid as much as possible to avoid situations anxiety panic attacks. That aside, I am balanced. Which has no imbalances or difficulty with balance?
You know, I admire the humility you have shown in revealing your difficulty. It was not an easy thing to do.
I remember a post where I wrote that you asked a lot of questions. I learned to know you a bit through everything you was posting. What I particularly appreciated about you is the fact that we have to give a lot of information, have also appreciate our filters and have them highlighted in the showing and enriching them with numerous examples .
Finally, all this to say that I sympathize with you. Do not let yourself down. Beyond this imbalance, you possess great wealth. Even if sometimes the energies are not always properly channeled, you seem full of goodwill. Take care my friend.
|Posted: September 21, 2012 10:19 pm|
I also have ADHD, but not that severe. So far, my stage is a bit mild.
|Posted: October 17, 2012 11:40 pm|
Thanks very much for your comments Ghislaine, like them and help much to know what you have said.
Thanks for sharing and letting know this about you too.
Well, it seems that there is a wide variations in levels and in ways that the ADHD can happen and is not at all the same in all the cases and persons.
In the title I have put that I have only ADHD but then later I have explained more about it in this post hereand the final real result is this
ADHD + ASPERGER SYNDROME + High IQ + EXPERIENTIAL AVOIDANCE DISORDER (and some more important emotional problems and added things)
have a light or mild version of asperger but very high experiental avoidance of many things.
BUT know after the confirmation of the professional and specialized neurologist and knowing that the normal medicine for ADHD is NOT good for me and he recommends not to have a medical treatment for now, I am learning to live with this and do things now KNOWING what really happens and WHAT I REALLY DO and not like before that I did not know about it and what was really happening. Know what I can´t do and what are my limits and HOW to do things in a different way knowing what I do know now.
|Posted: October 18, 2012 5:06 pm|
Filter Forge has a thriving, vibrant, knowledgeable user community. Feel free to join us and have fun!
16,211 Registered Users
+10 new last day!
+38 new last day!
+29 new in 7 days!